Raising Up Daughters 👧

The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

–Mark Twain

You guys. This quote has been on my mind all week since my mom shared it with me. I’ve been thinking about the moments I’ve had of clarity as to why I was born—and there are really three moments that it boils down to.

The first moment was when I was a really lost and broken nineteen year old. I was introduced to a man named Jesus who went on to flip my world upside down in the best way. I went from shame filled and isolated to someone with a story to tell. The story was not of me but of what God did in my life. How he picked me up from the mess I had made and called me his daughter. This label has changed the way I view myself and the world. I realized I was born for more. I had a purpose and place in His kingdom.

The second time was when I transferred to Pepperdine at twenty-one. I was a few years into being Christian and started to hit some bumps in my faith. Apparently becoming Christian isn't like waving a wand that immediately takes away your ability to fall. 

And I fell. Pretty hard a few times.

In this midst of this dark season I was selected as a Resident Advisor in the freshmen dorms. I could not understand why I got this position. I was still trying to figure out my life and now I was supposed to be a role model for a group of 50 eighteen year old girls?  I seriously thought about quitting a few times. I feared inadequacy and felt way too unstable to lead, but something kept me from quitting and I am so thankful I followed that voice. My first year as a resident advisor rocked me. At first everything inside me said to hide the ugly parts because I was supposed to look perfect. It took all I had to fight against this lie. Instead of hiding who I was and my story, I felt courage to share it with these women, who were so open and eager to hear advice from someone a few steps ahead of them in life. And something happened. One encounter after another, I realized that other women were carrying around their own brokenness like me. Every time I was brave enough to open up my life and be vulnerable, I got a “me too” from the other end. This was the second moment where I realized that God wanted to use my life for something so much bigger. He called me to love his daughters in their pain and while doing so he wanted to redeem every ugly part of my story for good.  One woman at a time.

Ironically the third moment of realizing why I was born was the day that Elle was born. Early on in the pregnancy, Jeffrey and I were so sure we were having a boy. In fact we only had a list for boy names we loved, because the idea of having a girl had not even crossed our minds. I had always pictured myself having a son. I was prepared for trucks and dirt and batman outfits. When we found out we were having a girl, I cried. Not out of sadness, I was just so overwhelmed and had not thought about the possibility of having a daughter. To be honest it scared me. In the months leading up to August, I spent a lot of time reflecting on the different things I’ve been through as a woman. The ways men have treated me, the ways I’ve been taken advantage of, the pressure I’ve felt, the insecurities of not being enough, and struggling with body image and meeting expectations. The more I reflected, the more afraid I became. It would be a huge task to raise a daughter. There is so much out there in the world that can hurt her. So much pain I experienced that I would never want her to know. The more I prayed, God gave me peace in realizing I had a special opportunity with this child. I get the chance to raise up a strong and courageous daughter. I can teach her what it looks like to be brave. To show her that beauty is given to her from her Father not from society. To ingrain in her that she is worthy and loved and enough. That she doesn’t have to hustle for love. That she doesn’t have to prove anything to the world.

This very thought gave me chills, and still does today as I write this. Jeffrey and I have started this practice of making sure we affirm who Eleanor is, rather than just her appearance. People tell her all the time she is so cute or so beautiful. After they leave, Jeffrey and I pull Elle in close and tell her that she is also so loving, and inquisitive, and joyful, and brings life to those around her. I know it seems so silly, because she is barely six months old and isn’t paying attention to us half the time. But we feel it’s important to start this practice now. I don’t want Eleanor to grow up thinking all she has to offer to the world is her looks or her body. I want her to know that she has innate value because God created her. He thought her up and knit her together in my womb and gave her unique gifts and strengths and passions that the world needs. My deepest prayer for her has always been that she lives into the plan God has for her. That she grows to love Jesus and love people.

So this high calling, to raise up a godly woman who knows her true worth, is another reason why I was born. God created me to not only be a mother, but to mother up a generation of women. Whether that is eighteen year olds or my very own child. And I don’t take that calling lightly. It is a huge honor and privilege. And it gives me life and purpose and fills up my soul to the brim.  

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, there is no flaw in you.-Song of Songs 4:7