Perspective 😎

Lately I've been having a hard time with perspective. 

The part of you that knows in your head that this season isn't forever and that you will get sleep again and that your baby won't always have the cold or always be sleeping in your room. But then the other side of me---the emotional side, screams THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW. NO amount of coffee will help. You will ALWAYS feel tired. You're NEVER going to feel normal again. (side note--isn't it funny how our emotions always speak in extremes?) That side is what makes me want to cry after long nights or even longer days at work. But I know this isn't the truth. I know because no season however sweet or hard or long it feels, is forever. 

I've had these moments over the past few weeks where I just feel deep in my bones....this. This moment is going to be one I will miss. Like when we put Elle in the bouncer that hangs between the doorways. She just now is big enough to touch the ground and just loves it. When we put her in we turn on Shut Up & Dance and the three of us just jump up and down, as if we were teenagers at a concert, and just laugh and belt the chorus because that's the only part we know. Elle starts laughing at us, because let's be honest we look ridiculous, and then we can't stop laughing at her because let's be honest-what's more pure and joyful than a baby laughing?!

Or how we decided this week that Elle sleeps best in our bed when she's sick. But I am still terrified of sleeping in bed with her. So we put our heads together one night and had her sleep in the middle of the bed with pillow walls around her, and we blow up the mattress and sleep on the floor together. The picture of this tiny little baby in a huge bed while her tired, tired parents are cuddled up on a twin still makes me laugh. Because we gladly give up our big bed with a down comforter and heavenly mattress pad--- for a blow up. Because we love her and just want her to sleep peacefully for a night.

It's these moments, crawling into bed, tired to my bones, knowing I'll be up in just two hours to nurse our daughter--that I'm falling to sleep with a full heart. It's these moments that make me stop and preach to myself. 

"Stephanie you are going to miss this season. Stop focusing so much on the hard parts. Look for the glimmers of joy and grace. Look at the things that you have to be grateful for. 

"Your husband loves your daughter to pieces and he is walking alongside you, experiencing the SAME tiredness and frustrations. You are not alone. He is a constant encouragement by affirming how well you love your family. How proud he is of you for working so hard, both at home and at work. 

"And your daughter. She still desperately needs you, and it won't always be so. Cuddle her extra close now. Study her face when you hold her and nurse her. Tell her how much she's loved. Kiss her baby cheeks and the soft nape of her neck and her little toes. Dance like crazy just to make her laugh. Get on the floor with her and read her books. 

"Think of the people in your life who are on your team. The women who check in with you throughout the week and you know are praying for your heart and your daughter and marriage. Your mom who calls on your drive home to debrief your day, and how she can tell if it was a great day or a hard day when you say 'hi mama'. Your brothers who text you and ask you to send videos of Elle, just because they miss her. 

"You, dear one, have a good good life. So be tired and cry when you need to. But never, ever feel sorry for yourself. Because your life is beautiful. And the hard parts, won't last forever. When this season passes you will look back and yearn for it. So today, go to sleep with gratitude in your heart that you get to serve the family you love so deeply, and who loves you back." 

And just like that, perspective is back. 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 Thess 5:16-18