Our Story 📝

I love telling stories. Stories about the little moments that cause me to stop in my tracks. Stories about what God is doing in my life, and what He's teaching me lately. Stories of the past and how God redeemed so much of my life for His good. In all my storytelling, I realized that I have not yet told one of my favorite stories—the one about Jeffrey + me.

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s not all roses and butterflies. It’s a lot of hard and uncertainty and hurt, mixed in with moments of good and clarity and healing. It’s a story that needs to be told in this time of picture perfect weddings and photos cropped just right on Instagram. I have found that people don’t want to hear about that all the time. Sometimes they want to know that they are normal-- that when it’s hard it doesn’t mean something is wrong with their relationship, or their marriage, or their spouse, or themselves. Sometimes, hearing a story that has rough patches is like a sigh of relief. 

Well, I’m here to tell you that our story is one of those.

 I should start from who we were before we met each other, because doesn’t all that stuff just find it’s way in somehow? We both had been in unhealthy relationships before we met. They were toxic and messy and we both made a lot of mistakes that God really used to bring us closer to Him. Our broken pasts have since become a foundational part of our testimonies. Neither of us had experience being in a relationship with another Christian. It was brand new territory for us. 

This was one of the first things I was drawn to about Jeffrey. His testimony was full of God’s grace and I could see how much he had grown in just a few short years. It encouraged and spurred me on. I knew I wanted to be around him, that I wanted his life to influence me for the better.

We met in college.  We both ended up on the same spring break trip led by our friend Brooks. We spent a lot of time together on that trip. A lot of hours serving side by side, worshipping at night, and praying for that place and those people. The day we got back from the trip he invited me over to his freshmen dorm to watch Hardball and drink Martinelli’s apple juice with two of his friends. I guess that was considered our first date, which is just hilarious to me now. Like really, Hardball? The movie where the little kid dies at the end? So romantic. The apple juice was a nice touch though. 

After a few days of hanging out, Jeffrey told me he wanted to take me out on a date. I was so shocked that he called it a DATE. I was so used to guys playing games with me or the other way around. He caught me off guard—but in the best way. He borrowed a car and we drove down PCH to Santa Monica to have dinner at this little Italian restaurant called Frito Misto. Our first date didn’t involve drinking. It didn’t involve kissing. It just involved a lot of great conversation. Like I said—brand new territory. 

Afterwards he told me that he didn’t want to date me just to date. He said if God made it clear to him I wasn’t someone he should marry—he would not waste my time. I remember thinking…who is this guy?? Honestly it’s now one of my favorite things about Jeffrey. He has always been so dang sure of what he wants, and of us. Me—I struggle with worth and commitment and fears of being left. Jeffrey—he’s our rock. He has always been patient with me and his calm settles me still today.

So I always say that Jeffrey won me over, not in one sweeping moment—but over time. Slowly, as I let my heart trust him. When he proved again and again he would be faithful and stand by me—no matter the ugliness that came out.  Those first few months I held my cards close to my chest. I would share a little about my story, and then wait. Then a little more the next time. Each time I would hold my breath just waiting to see how he would respond. Every time Jeffrey would listen. He would take a step closer. He would love me more. Through him I learned what it means when they say you can only be loved to the extent that you’re known.   

Even with our best attempts to have a healthy relationship, that old stuff crept back in. That first summer we did long distance (shout out to all of those couples who did or are doing long distance. It is TOUGH). This was one of the hardest periods of our relationship. I fell back into old patterns and quickly became someone I didn't even recognize. Finally it got to a point where I sat down to write Jeffrey to basically end our relationship. I felt so lost and broken at that point. Within the hour he called and left me a voicemail. I'll never forget his words. He said my decisions over that summer didn't define me. He knew the person I had become and who God created me to be. He encouraged me to cling to God and when I was ready, he would be there to walk with me out of the mess I had created. 

I have never felt God’s grace so powerfully than in that moment. His grace washed over me completely. That was one of the most powerful, tangible ways I've ever experienced Jesus through another person. It was the moment I started writing a new story for myself--one that said I was worth loving. This was a turning point in my life and in my relationship with Jeffrey. Through that painful summer God was helping me break free from a lot of strongholds in my life. He was also starting to make it clear that Jeffrey could be my husband one day. 

Now that wasn’t the end of it. We went to counseling for two straight years (insert my shameless plug for counseling. It is the BEST.)  We sorted through all of the guilt, shame and unhealthy patterns we had brought in. We put in the hours early on in our relationship, and I have seen so much fruit come from it over time. But even with that we still had other rough patches. Over the course of three years of dating we broke up three times. All three times were because of me. From fear. From uncertainty. From not setting boundaries up to protect our relationship. God walked through each of those seasons with us. We came out the other side wiser, more mature in our faith, and more sure of who we were and what we wanted. 

Still the decision to get married was not an easy one, or one based on fuzzy emotions, or driven by the desire to have that beautiful blog-worthy wedding. We had many conversations and spent hours in prayer over it. I put so much pressure on making the "right" decision that it almost paralyzed me. Part of it is the fact that marriage is one of the biggest decisions we make in life. But it's also this idea I picked up somewhere along the way that there is "a right person" or one path that God has for me. As if I'm at point A, and I need to get to Point B, and the straight line is the path I need to follow. I felt so much pressure in that. I saw how this myth kept me from fully committing to a decision. It's the lie that says "there's something else better out there for you" or "someone better". 

It comes down to fear, and fear is not from God. In that season I kept hearing God tell me to choose. He wanted me to make a decision and fully commit to it. I began to see it as a circle rather than a straight line. I was at the center and He wanted me to move, faithfully in a direction and trust Him. I stopped fearing there was a better option out there for me or that I was not following "God's plan for my life". I saw marriage as less of a game of fate and more a choice made with prayer and faith in God. I knew that Jeffrey loved the Lord and loved me, and I was confident in my desire to follow God my whole life and to love Jeffrey the best I could. That's sort of what your marriage vows boil down to.

I'm learning God calls us to love fully and sacrificially, the kind of love that Christ has for us. It’s not lukewarm or fearful. Marriage is a choice. Today I woke up and chose to love Jeffrey and to trust God fully. I’m learning that marriage is less and less about feelings, and more and more about the cross and humility. 

When I think about the story God has written for my marriage, I am overwhelmed with grace and gratitude. I had a lot of things to work through on this journey, and am still working through. I knew when I became Christian almost ten years ago that the road wasn't going to be easy when I found the one I wanted to marry. Over the past three years of marriage I’ve experienced more than ever that we really are two sinners, trying to love one another. There's a lot to work through, and I think that would be true regardless of the person I chose to be with. But what I can say with certainty is that I love Jeffrey all the more after going through these past six years with him. We’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and Christ still compels us to love one another.